


Let your heart fall anyway

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Fluff, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky's POV, FLUFFFFFFFERS, First Kiss, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, bucky relearns how to enjoy the small things, oh hey there's a cat, steve sings when hes doing mundane things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5121806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been seven months since Bucky Barnes returned and he's, for the most part, recovered. Still he wishes that the crack in his heart (left by a certain blond decades ago) would've mended by now. </p><p>forgive me if I st-stutter<br/>from all of the clutter in my head<br/>cause I could fall asleep in those eyes<br/>like a water bed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let your heart fall anyway

Lavender, soap, fresh lemons, laundry detergent on well loved t-shirts, the vibrating purr and tiny paws kneading his chest (Cat - her name is _Cat_ ; a rescue that Bucky named despite Steve complaining that it wasn't a good name because _Buck, w_ _ho names a cat CAT?)_ , music; someone singing in the distance -

Broken words -

_will you go, will you go_

[muffled] [the sound of dishes rattling]

_though your heart scares you so_

_and just let yourself fall anyway_

Steve singing off key - probably dancing about the kitchen as he places plates and cups in the cupboard, _our place -_

Seven months, 5110 hours, waking up to clammy skin and Steve's silent support from the other end of the couch - wanting but not taking, coming down from nightmares and falling asleep to the sound of Steve's breathing -

The words continue as Bucky sits up from his place on the sofa, dislodges the cat (much to her disappointment), kicks a thin blanket to the side -

_He covered me up._

Steve passionately belting out - and Bucky has always loved his singing voice -

_Can you tell me anything?_

_Can you teach me how to speak?_

_What I'm feeling?  
_

A modern song that Bucky isn't familiar with, the hum of a dishwasher starting up, water bubbling and gurgling in the sink -

_He'd smell like the citrus and lemon hand soap that he's so crazy over._

The blanket tangles around Bucky's bare feet, he curses under his breath as he shoves it aside impatiently. For now, he will listen. He has grown accustomed to faking sleep in order to take in the familiar humming in Steve's throat - it makes Bucky's chest ache and turns his head into a virtual movie reel of Steve in their very first apartment in Brooklyn - his stubborn refusal to sleep until he'd finished angling the sparse furniture just so. _Optimal lighting for sketching,_ he'd said. From there it continues onto watching Steve's eyes flutter in sleep and tucking his own hands under his body in order to keep them from tracing bones that he'd love to memorize with every inch of his skin.

_Not now, heart. Not now._

Steve's bare feet shuffling on the kitchen tile, the smell of fresh coffee in the air, half burnt candles casting a warm glow on the kitchen table even as the rest of the room is covered in bright light -

Bucky watches from around the corner, Steve pours himself a steaming cup and sings -

_You take me so high, you take me so low_

_So I fall a little more_

_& I let myself fall anyway_

_Will you go?_

_Will you go?_

[spoon clanging against a mug as he stirs in two teaspoons of sugar]

_Though your heart scares you so_

_& just let yourself fall anyway?_

The scrape of a wood and wicker chair against flooring, a content sigh, the silence -

_Sing for me, Steve..._

Loud purr and meow against Bucky's leg; causing Steve to turn and stare at him -

_Traitor. See if I give you anymore extra treats when he's not looking._

"Oh. I didn't see you there. I made a pot of coffee if you want any."

Chair groaning under Bucky's weight as he quietly takes the one opposite of Steve and rests his elbows on the edges -

"It's midnight," Bucky states as he rubs at his eyes. They're beginning to become gritty and blurry.

"Couldn't sleep," Steve replies as he takes a sip.

Steam curling into his mouth - inhaling heat and exhaling ghosts -

_He would taste so sweet._

Bucky shrugs, leans back in his chair, observes.

This is nothing strange - it's what Steve deemed (months ago) their _new normal._ Sometimes Bucky needs the presence of another person so that he doesn't fall into the dark corners of his mind again - a distraction. Steve goes about his usual and occasionally they wander to the coffee shop around the corner together and make polite conversation with the elderly couple who owns it. More often than not they exchange a look after that says _Isn't it strange that our skin should be delicate and wrinkled with time but it isn't?_ They speak and yet they don't.

It's, at times, surreal. This is not one of those moments. If anything it's more tangible and real than anything Bucky has ever experienced. He's having more of those lately - the thin slices of glass that slide into place and mirror a reality that he has came to love since Steve found him and they scaled the mountains of pain and suffering together. None of it is worth a damn if it doesn't involve Steve Rogers.

"It's supposed to rain later - a downpour they're saying," Steve murmurs.

Metal spoon swimming in a sea of blonde like the color of wheat in the Summer - Steve's hair lightening under the suns rays in Brooklyn when he'd spent hours by the windowsill -

_Ah come on Steve. Try harder than that, you know I only cared about weather when it meant keeping you alive._

Grunt.

Shift.

Loud purring - stroking the cats fur and burying his head in it - catching Steve shyly grinning -

"Don't plan on leaving the apartment today," Bucky replies, muffled.

Sitting back to take Steve in -

His hair neatly styled, worn blue sweater hugging biceps, dark jeans curving around a muscular waist, feet covered in...

"You're wearing two different socks."

Steve's surprised expression folding into crinkled brows, examining said articles of clothing -

"Hmm well. One of them is yours," Steve laughs as he lowers them and crosses his legs under the table.

_You would look so good in my...._

_NO. not now, brain._

"You were singing."

Eyebrows shooting up in surprise, his eyes; a sky full of stars in mid-day -

"You heard that?"

"It woke me up."

Shoulders slumping, staring into swirling coffee as if it might have all the answers -

_Don't._

"No. No it wasn't a bad thing. I mean...the lyrics were nice."

_Nice?_

Steve's sideways smirk, one foot stretching out under the table to rest against Bucky's -

_You gotta stop touching me, pal._

"Geiger."

"Sorry, what?"

Steve coughs - "Teddy Geiger. Fall Anyway."

_Note to self: find more music by this person._

"Oh."

"Since we're both awake do you wanna hear another song by him?," Steve asks - big blue eyes turning Bucky's stomach inside out.

"Sure."

Kitchen light turned off until only candle light remains, two pairs of feet trailing after one another, lumpy couch - Steve at one end and Bucky at the other -

Guitar strumming as the music begins - muscles relaxing -

_Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all  
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have_

Steve wanders to the kitchen, comes back with the candles and places them on a low coffee table.

Living room cloaked in semi darkness, Steve shifting until their thighs brush -

 _Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger_  
_Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you what I feel about you_

Bucky's heart pounds painfully in his chest, strong fingers latch onto a throw pillow and hold on tight.

 _Forgive me if I st-stutter_  
_From all of the clutter in my head_  
_Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes_  
_Like a water bed_

Two itchy fingers curl onto Steve's lower thigh and find solace there - he sighs happily.

_no more camouflage  
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall_

Steve's head resting on an exposed collarbone, hair tickling the side of Bucky's jaw -

 _I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have_  
_For you I will_

Four inches isn't much but it can be the difference between gently laying on a collarbone or shoulder and nuzzling the side of a neck. Steve goes for the latter - Bucky doesn't protest.

 _You always want what you can't have_  
_But I've got to try_

Bucky's head leaning against Steve's - hot breath on his skin -

 _If I could dim the lights in the mall_  
_And create a mood I would_  
_Shout out your name so it echoes in every room, yeah_

One painful inch at a time - edging closer to Steve -  
  
_That's what I'd do,_  
_That's what I'd do,_  
_That's what I'd do,_  
_To get through to you_

The lyrics repeat - _You always want what you can't have_ and Bucky's pulse is skittering - frantically trying to pound loud enough for Steve to hear -

_For you, I will_

Steve's breath coming faster now against the side of Bucky's neck - 

_These lyrics are everything. Everything everything everything._

Palm scorching Steve's thigh - creeping upward and stalling near the edge of every one of Bucky's dreams spanning back to the early 1930s -

_He's not stopping me, why isn't he telling me to get my hand off of him?_

Steve's hands coming up to grip the edges of Bucky's t-shirt - devouring the smell of his skin as he turns his head just so -

"Kiss me," Bucky whispers. 

_Kiss me or put me out of my misery._

Blue eyes frantically searching Bucky's for confirmation, hands releasing and curving around both hipbones -

Nod.

Following the tip of a tongue darting out to moisten dry lips seconds before they part against Bucky's - whispering Steve's name against his lips as if it were poetry and it might as well be because Bucky is positive that Shakespeare wrote about such majesties once upon a time -

"Bucky....Buck...."

Hands still hungrily grasping hips, mouth slick against Bucky's - tongue tracing the crease in between his lips until they open to allow more access -

Bucky draws back to take it all in -

Steve's baby blues darkened and cheeks flushed pink, mouth kiss bruised from -

_Kissing. Steve._

"Steve," he whispers.

It's pleading and apologizing, it's _Its been you all along_ and the words _Please say you want me, please love me like I have always loved you_ getting stuck in between -

The intensity in Steve's eyes is enough to make Bucky tear up - he forces himself to turn away.

_I'm scared. I can do this. I can do this.  
_

Strong palms cradling his face, thumbs gently caressing, a forehead leaned up against his own -

"Fall anyway," Bucky murmurs. 

Confusion causing Steve's forehead to crease - "What?"

"The first song," Bucky clarifies. 

Steve's cheeks turning pink - "You heard that?"

One kiss to Steve's nose, one dropped onto his forehead with fingertips smoothing out the wrinkles - 

"Every word." 

"I think I already did," Steve grins.

Fingers tangling up with his - cold metal to warm flesh -

"What would you say if...I did too?"

Eyes turning into a Summer lightning storm - brilliant flashes of light and electric blue - taking Bucky by the hand and all but dragging him to Steve's darkened bedroom where they sprawl on the bed -

"Guess you could say we kinda fell together," Steve whispers as he kisses each knuckle.

Legs stretched out and parted, Steve with his back against them and pressed against Bucky's chest - heat radiating off of him as he tries to put on his confident Devil-may-care Captain America persona rather than a flustered Steve Rogers, Bucky's fingers carding through blonde hair -

"I would do it again," Bucky mumbles - quiet enough that Steve barely catches it.

_Without hesitation. A million times over. You were worth hell._

Steve has no words -

Flipping Bucky onto his side - chests brushing and hearts beating in tandem - Steve's fingertips ghosting over Bucky's lips -

"I-," Steve begins but falters.

One smooth metal finger against his lips -

_I know. I know. Me too._

Steve understands. 

They kiss and the world seems to tilt on its axis - time standing still for two men who always found themselves stuck in limbo. They were once two men out of time but now they have slowed the pendulum long enough to find one another and to simply exist together.

They have taken a leap and landed with arms intertwined and each others names tattooed on hearts.

They have fallen together.

 (It should be noted that Cat isn't pleased with either of them because she now has to give up her faithful spot on Steve's bed in order to make room for Bucky)

**Author's Note:**

> that song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlpeDpAmkQM and the other is by him as well. go give it a listen and you'll see why steve loves his music.


End file.
